Dopple16 Dec 2004
Come to think of it, this is the first time we got to sit together here, isn’t it? The others never want me on the sofa. Bad Yoru, they always say. Heh. They don’t like mud. I get it—the one thing I always have is mud. But they’re not here right now, and strangely, I feel comfortable, being able to sit on the sofa like you, like everyone else. It makes me feel almost human.
I don’t know why that matters. I’m a dog, after all.
Uh-huh. I look in the mirror, there I am. Floppy ears, tongue that hangs out all the time because it doesn’t fit in my mouth. Black fur that’s never really clean. Sometimes I get this weird feeling that I expect to see something else. I can’t explain why, though.
The moon is going to be full again tomorrow. Maybe for the last time. Everybody’s been antsy, I can smell it. Do you think their hopes will come true? Will it finally be all over?
I hear them talk about the things they want to do once the Dark Hour is gone. The lives they’ll finally return to, before this year, before it all happened.
Me, I still don’t remember anything. All I know are the crazy adventures we had. Hunting Shadows. Running away from the octo-arm menace with the swords. So much green and red, except it’s not Christmas. Heh heh... huh, Christmas. I’m not sure why that popped into my head. I don’t think I’ve ever had one. It’s coming up soon, isn’t it?
Well, this year has been fun in a way. Terrifying in others. I’m sure you understand.
… Hey. While we’re still here, there’s something I never mentioned. Just to let you know, this probably isn’t a good idea, but I feel like I have to tell somebody eventually. I figure that somebody might as well be you.
It’s about the Shadows. It took me a while to realize that you guys couldn’t hear them, not the way I did. Sometimes the Shadows say things you’d expect someone chasing you with a knife would say. Other times, they’re confused, they don’t know how they got there, they don’t remember anything, they ask for help.
I don’t know what the worst one is. When they beg us to stop hurting them, or when they beg to die. That usually comes right after they say they can’t control themselves and take a swing at us.
I mean, you can’t understand them, and... they’re Shadows. You do what you need to do. If it helps, I don’t blame you. I never did. Sorry, you’re probably better off not knowing any of that after all. Honestly, I’m glad you can’t hear the voices. Some nights, they get to me bad enough that I don’t want to go out anymore.
I still do, of course, because you’re going. And I’ll come tomorrow, of course.
There’s another thing I wanted to ask.
What do you think will happen to me when this is over?
I don’t remember a life before this all started, so maybe I’ll just forget everything again when it ends. Or maybe it’ll be even worse. Tell you the truth, part of me has this bad, sinking feeling that I might just disappear. The idea scares me a lot. I might just be sitting here, panting at you like it’s another Sunday evening. But I’m really scared.
Can you do me a favour? If I do disappear, you’ll remember me, won’t you?
Ha… maybe I’m being silly. It goes without saying that you will, after all. You’re the boss. And, maybe I won’t disappear, which means I’m scared for nothing. And, maybe if I do, it’s not that scary.
I know you can’t hear me, but thank you for listening anyway.
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