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Member Since 30 Aug 2008
Offline Last Active Dec 18 2010 03:55 PM

Topics I've Started

My hometown approves "Zombie Apocalypse" Annex

14 October 2010 - 06:45 PM

http://www.okeechobe...com/Annex Z.pdf


The Curse of Francis's Hand

08 October 2010 - 09:36 PM

Recorded by everyone's favorite Mapletipper,

The TF2 Trading System

30 September 2010 - 06:17 PM

A Man and His Card

21 September 2010 - 07:14 PM

So i walk into Gamestop with my $30 in hand. I proceed to directly toward where i know the gamecards are located, and i begin to browse for the particular one I seek. Nexon...Perfect World...Everquest....Farmville....all the top games are there, but....I don't see the familiar World of Warcraft logo. The one which I require. Knowing I checked and confirmed the Gamestop website for local store availability, i approach the front desk, confused, where there are two clerks. Female clerks. HOT female clerks. For a second, I'm not sure what confused me most: where the game card I hunted was, or how on earth they convinced two beautiful women to become Gamestop clerks. My heart then sank as their eyes met mine. Like a kayaker before the mighty Niagra Falls, I knew what necessary tragedy lied ahead before I could complete my quest. I sighed heavily, and swallowing my geekdom, I uttered a phrase during which i could almost FEEL my testicles shrinking: "Do you have any World of Warcraft game cards?" Expecting to be dissapointed with them being sold out of said item, my question was unexpectedly greeted rather warmly. They informed me that they hid the game cards in a special place. I was caught unawares. "Special place? It's just a card, right?" is what I thought to myself, unable to speak another word, still reeling from the sheer uncoolness of what I just said, my man points draining away into the invisible embarassing ether mixed in those words. One of the lovely clerks then unlocked and opened a small cabinet behind her. What she pulled from it astounded me as it was not the card i seeked, but rather, A BOX! A large box about as big and thick as your typical PC game box. I was flabbergasted. I thought surely they made a mistake, as I did not want to purchase any of the games themselves, surely I did not stutter when I said "game card", but lo and behold those words did appear along with the phrase "60-day" beside it. I asked them, and lo, they confirmed that it was indeed all for the one card. I paid my $30, let them keep the $0.01 in change I had left over, perhaps as an offering to repent for my sheer nerdiness amidst the women. As I humbly shoved the receipt of shame into my side pocket, they told me they keep it away because addicts among them tend to covertly tear into these boxes for the coveted numerical treats inside. I wondered why. "World of Warcraft? Surely if this is like ANY big-name game accessory, it's protected by layers upon layers upon layers of unopenable plastic shrink-wrapping that would take space-age laser-precision cutting technology to pierce. I shuffed back into my Chevrolet Blazer and took the opportunity to investigate this freakishly large box closer. Upon further review, I understood why. All that protected the box from its contents was a 3-inch long, 2-inch wide strip of plastic covering the top end of the box. One swipe of my car keys undid the box's meager seal. I THOUGHT SURELY THERE MUST BE MORE IN HERE, AS IT WEIGHS....a fair amount. Indeed there was a cardboard placeholder inside the box, but for absolutely no apparent reason, it was almost entirely pointless. And from the far end of the box, popped out a small black card no longer or wider than a standard credit card.

....I held in my hands...
....the fabled World of Warcraft 60-day game card...

2 pounds of cardboard boxing and printing for a half-ounce piece of plastic. I shed a tear, and realized that THIS is what America is truly about: Overindulgence; on a tremendously massive scale.


15 September 2010 - 11:10 PM

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God damnit.