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#1 Kr34t0r


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Posted 02 July 2008 - 11:15 PM

Disclaimer: Maple Story belongs to Nexon. I make no profit from writing this and I do n'associate pas with Nexon in any way. But the story belongs to me.

Author's note: I'd like to say I draw inspirations from Zelda, Halo, Pan's Labyrinth, Pendragon series, Ender's series, Tales of Symphonia, Sweeney Todd, Dan Brown, Infinite Jest, Gothic people, and music. My first chapter will sound very similar, so no commenting about it! mush1a.gif The names might sound really familiar. You know, I find myself wasting lots of time so I borrowed some of the names from other sources hehe. I used to have ice/lit wizard, but I quit a couple years ago.

Rating: 13+ for strong language and violence

Enjoy mushdevil1.gif

Chapter 1: The Warriors' Symbol

“Welcome,” Dances With Balrog, the warrior instructor, greeted. He glanced towards the entrance to find two boys standing still.

The first boy, with piercing black eyes and cool, ebony hair staring directly at Dances With Balrog, said, “Name’s Revan, and I’m here to be one of you guys.”

The other boy, with his shaven head and dark brown eyes, followed, “And I’m Malak, and I want to be a warrior, too.”

“You think it’s that easy, boys?” Dances With Balrog asked, eying the boys if they were qualified to be one, but the boys remained silent, until they heard a “yes” or a “no”.

Dances With Balrog hesitated for a while and asked, “How old are you kids?”

Revan and Malak did not hesitate, for they knew the meaning behind the question.

“Eleven,” Malak and Revan answered, becoming impatient.

“The path of the warrior will be brutal and stressful,” Dances With Balrog explained. “You will confront the enemy and fight hand-by-hand until one falls. You will carefully master the skills of a warrior, until you are strong and old enough to choose your desired second advancement. You will show respect towards the other classmen, including magicians, archers, rogues, and pirates. And lastly, you shall never travel without the symbol of the warrior—his offense, or weapon.

“Do I need to repeat anything once more?” Dances With Balrog asked.

“We got it, let’s just do it,” Revan replied.

“All right, then,” Dances With Balrog approved. He stood up from the stone floor and beckoned the boys to follow him to the roof. They climbed up the brief stairs and emerged from the exit, surrounded by a cloudy atmosphere. They stood before an immense shrine which contained many encrypted symbols. Dances With Balrog raised his hands into the air and murmured a few words of magic. Both Revan and Malak looked to the luminous light and saw a face of an angel who smiled down. This didn’t blind them, but they slightly winced at the slicing pain on their backs. They felt their backs being torn open apart all over, feeling disarrayed.

“Hold still! You will feel a profound stabbing sensation soon!” Dances With Balrog tried his best to nourish these volatile and exacerbated kids to not let go.

“Argh!” Malak yelled. Revan, however, looked directly into Dances With Balrog’s lenient eyes, wondering if this was a hoax. He’d never thought the warrior advancement would be so painful and brutal as Dances With Balrog had elucidated.

Suddenly, out of the blue, Revan felt tear come out of his eyes, although he did not feel melancholy. Was it because of pain? He asked himself. He tried to hold his tears but it soon became watery to hold it all in.

Malak was crying, as well. For Revan and his best friend, this was too remorseless for a beginner to begin their new warrior life with. Revan started to cry but the light suddenly vanished.

Dances With Balrog said, “Congratulations, Revan and Malak, you have the warrior’s mark encrypted onto your skin.”

“So that was it?” Revan commented. The pain had instantly begun to wear away until the two warriors felt normal.

“Here are the manuals,” Dances With Balrog said as he gave each of them the skill book. “With these, you should be able to master the warrior’s powers. Do not use them for power...”

“Yeah, okay,” Revan said, and he leaned to Malak and muttered, “This’ll be a piece of cake.”

They walked outside to seek weapons.

Dances With Balrog didn’t feel any much better than he’d been before. He walked to the shrine and meditated, but this didn’t help him feel any better. He was afraid something inevitably depraved was about to happen.

“I have no clue where to get our weapons,” Revan said.

“I’m sure there’s a place nearby with all the warrior stuff,” Malak responded. “C’mon.”

Malak and Revan found the armory shop and walked in. Inside, they were met by a warm, blazing fire and a gigantic montage of armors and weapons. They both wanted to fight with a two-handed weapon since it gave them more power.

“Can you give me a long sword?” Revan asked.

“Me too,” Malak added. The counter man, brawny and lavish, reached down and picked up two long swords. He set the weapons onto the checkout.

The boys took out the cash.

“You kids just became warriors?” the man asked as he took the cash.

“Yeah,” Revan replied, examining his new weapon.

”These kinds of weapons aren’t for you, kids,” the man said, grinning, “especially for newbies, like you.”

Revan and Malak looked up from their weapons.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Malak responded.

“I mean, just look at the size of your weapons,” the man said. “Those are too big for you kids, aren’t they?”

“They’re perfectly fine,” Revan said, thinking the man was senseless. “I can handle these well, just as I had with my enormous fruit knife. Let’s forget about this. We’d like to order blue Lolico armors and pants.”

The discontent man said, “3,100 mesos from each of you.” The boys paid the money and wore their suits. Although they felt they looked uncomfortable and bulky, they knew they’d purchase lighter suits at a later time.

Revan and Malak didn’t wait for the owner’s foolish comments and walked outside. A frigid breeze blustered against them, but their new armors resisted the cold. They walked on, searching for monsters they could train on. They left the city and walked into the danger zones.

“Revan, do you see anything?” Malak asked, trying to find a trace of the monsters on the rocky canyons.

“Over there,” Revan pointed. “There’s a herd of stumps there. Let’s go.”

The party raised their weapons so that the sharp tip of their weapons was pointing towards the herd.

“Charge!” Revan yelled. He and Malak fiercely ran and thrust their weapons into a stump, killing it. The herd turned around and started to march towards the boys.

“Slash blast!” they knocked down the stumps. As they began to finish them off with a power strike, three magicians used their magic claws to kill the stumps. They grinned at Revan and Malak, mocking them.

Revan ignored them and walked towards another group of stumps. Malak followed and they both attacked the stumps. Suddenly, magic claws killed the stumps and the magicians grinned wider.

Revan and Malak ignored them once more and attacked another group of stumps, but the magicians used magic claws to kill the stumps, again.

Revan felt a pinch of anger in his mind.

“Mind if you train somewhere else?” Malak asked, before Revan could even say anything. He was facing away from the magicians, trying to control his anger.

“Sure,” one of the magicians said. Malak seemed content, but heard, “for a price.”

“No!’ Malak replied. The magicians began walking towards Malak and Revan.

“We’re two years older than you kids,” the magician spoke and raised his staff. “You mess with us, we’re gonna take you down.”

Malak was ready for anything. He raised his sword in the air, as well as Revan.

“Be careful,” said Malak.

“You wanna fight?” the magicians chuckled. You got it. Magic claws were cast and slashed the boys, but their armor had protected them from getting completely cut.

Malak rushed towards the magicians and forced a power strike. He struck a magician, who swung his staff at Malak. Malak dodged the attack but then was attacked by magic claw. Malak struggled to stand up and swung his sword all over the place, signaling for Revan to attack from behind.

Revan had to concentrate. He circled the magicians and charged towards the group, who was busy trying to seriously harm Malak. Revan used slash blast and struck three magicians, who turned and used their magic claws on Revan after keeping distance.

Both Malak and Revan were lying on the ground next to each other.

The magicians chuckled.

“You outnumber us, cowards,” Revan said. “Why don’t you pick on someone else who’s strong as you are?”

“Oooh,” the magicians feigned a surprised expression.

“You big-mouth, how dare you speak to your masters like that!” a magician said.

“You’re not my master,” Revan mumbled.

“Yeah? Well, we’ll see about that.” The magician brought his staff up and just as he prepared to bring it down, a magic claw appeared and attacked the magician.

“Argh!” he winced. The group turned around to see another group of magicians, who were the same-aged.

“What do you guys want?” he asked, leering at them.

“You forgot to pay us the money, Nord!” the other magician said.

“I’m about to give it to you, Calo, just hold on for a sec!” Nord responded, and turned to Revan and Malak.

“Give me the money!” he said.

Revan and Malak made no response. They glared at the magician.

“Then I guess I’ll really have to hurt you, after all.” Nord cast magic claw and attacked the boys.

“Who are they?” Calo asked, disgusted by the sight of the warriors.

“Idiot warriors, that’s what they are,” Nord replied. “I’m trying to get the money I have to owe you.”

“Hey, don’t you kill them,” Calo said. He glared at the boys, and then to Nord. “I will.”

Calo turned to the boys and said, “Hi, kids. Today was your first day as warriors. Today will also be the last day as warriors. Life sucks, yeah, but hey, you chose it! Any last words, wimps?”

Revan and Malak struggled to get up, but the other magicians held them down.

“Ok, then.” Calo prepared to cast powerful spells, but all of a sudden, there was a voice who called, “Stop it!”

Calo and Nord looked up to find two other warriors, who were the same age.

“Guys, attack them!” Calo and Nord ordered. The magicians cast magic claws at the mysterious warriors. Revan and Malak knew they were saved from death. Immediately, after being released by the magicians, they attacked Calo and Nord fiercely until they were down to the ground.

Helpless, Calo and Nord could not cast magic claws when their opponents were very close to them. Their main weapons were their staves.

Eventually, all of the magicians were taken down and huddled in groups. The mysterious warriors firmly pointed their weapons towards the magicians.

“Give me your staves,” the warrior with dark, disheveled crimson hair despotically spoke. “Or I’ll strip you naked and make you walk ‘till you give me your staves.”

Nord repugnantly leered at him. “Try and make me.”

The red-haired warrior shook his head in disappointment. “You magicians,” He grabbed Nord by his collar and growled, “Give me your staff.”

“Over my dead body!” Nord exclaimed and struck the warrior across the face with his staff. The warrior kept his head still and growled, “Smart love”.

The warrior pushed his left hand up and placed it on the Nord’s face and pulled his robe over. Nord’s robe came off and was disintegrated into large pieces easily.

Nord blushed as his entire body was exposed. The magicians stared with wide eyes, attempting to look away.

“Give me your staff and I’ll give you your pajamas back,” the warrior demanded.

Quickly, Nord raised the staff and the warrior took it.

“How about my clothes?” Nord asked.

The warrior tossed the clothes back to Nord, who seemed desperate to cover himself.

“Give me all your staves,” the warrior said. The magicians placed their staves beneath the warrior’s feet.

“Now you all can go.” Without a word, the magicians rose from the ground and fled.

Revan and Malak watched the magicians cower away. They couldn’t believe what’d just happened!

“We can make a handful out of these,” the dark, disheveled blue-haired warrior said.

It was time the four warriors introduced themselves.

“I’m Naga Sadow and I am thirteen-years old, level 20” the red-haired warrior said, shaking Revan and Malak’s hands.

“And I’m Ajunta Pall, same age and level as Naga,” the blue-haired warrior said.

“Nice to meet you all,” Revan said. “I’m Revan and this is Malak, my best friend. We’re both eleven.”

“It’s not so bad for a first day as a swordsman, right?” Naga said with a grin. “You know, getting mauled by the magicians and all.”

“You guys could’ve been killed,” Ajunta added. “Next time, when you’re confronting magicians, you just walk away and don’t bother to fight them until they start casting some dumb spells on you.”

“Yeah, those bitches are cowards,” Naga said.

“Well, I’m glad we’re happy and alive right now,” Revan remarked with a smile. “Thanks and all, but Malak and I have some training to do.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Naga said, hesitating for a moment, eying Revan and Malak, and spoke, “Hey, you guys wanna train with us?”

Revan felt interested. “Where do you guys train?”

Naga and Ajunta took out their swords, covered with green, oozy slime.


4 years later.

I’ve just become an official warrior….despite the pain I had to go through.

I freely swung my long sword in the air, and it felt good to be the warrior I’ve wanted to become since I was a little kid.

Raised in Kerning, I was utterly disgusted by the city. I had to somewhat deal with the kids in Kerning who’d tease and bully me for not dressing like them. Even my parents sometimes urged me to change my appearance just to get along with people, but I was unwilling.

One day, my father walked out our doorsteps and announced that he was going to Perion to visit a friend of his, then to Ellinia to acquire a few expensive and magical potions, and to Henesys to visit our family’s best friends, who were another family in Henesys. My best friend, Shiloh, was the only child of the family, like me. I haven’t met him since quite a few months ago in Lith Harbor.

“Dad, can I please go with you?” I asked during breakfast.

“I’m sorry, Krovain,” was his reply, “but when you grow older, perhaps I can take you along for another walk around Victoria.” Then, he left.

I waited for a couple of months for him to return. He returned with information on each city, which included the types of class and rankings. I grabbed the items and observed the booklets. Out of all of the classes, the warriors stood out to me.

A year later, he asked me if I wanted to come along, and I responded with yes. I was going to visit Perion first and I was totally overwrought by the thought of catching the sight of warriors.

Although the process of departure from Kerning was unpleasant, I was still ecstatic for Perion. I was eleven years old, then.

After days of hiking and climbing immense boulders, we eventually reached the height where the clouds soared beneath us. It was growing colder and a fire was nearly impossible to create due to the astringent strength of the wind blowing seemingly in every direction.

“How much farther do we have go, dad?!” I yelled through the wind. My legs were becoming sore.

“Hang on!” my dad replied. “I can see Perion!” Suddenly, he slipped on a round boulder, causing him to lose balance and roll over the rocks.

“DAD!” I grabbed my gear in hopes of finding a rope. I looked over to see if he was still hanging on as I reached my hands into the bag.

“Shoot!” I panicked. “DAD?”

“Kro!” I heard my dad.

“Dad!” I untangled the rope and cast it down towards him. He didn’t grab the rope; instead, I saw him simply climbing the rocks. Of course, his hobby was to rock climb!

I helped him up and we sat together.

“I thought you were dead for a sec,” I spoke.

“It was fortunate that this heck of a rocky mountain wasn’t too steep. Otherwise, I’d be dead, son,” he said, rolling the ropes back. “We’re almost at Perion, so we can’t just rest here!”

We stood up and resumed our climbing.

There were walls surrounding Perion. I estimated them to be thirty feet in height. At the entrance was only a single large steel gate. I saw no guards posted there.

When we reached the gate, I finally saw that there were actually two guards, each on one of the twin towers standing next to the gate. They recognized my dad and opened the gate.

My dad told me he had to visit someone and gave me a map. We separated and I had one place in mind: the shrine. Sadly, I saw no real warriors.

“Welcome,” Dances With Balrog, the warrior instructor, greeted.

“H-hello, my name’s Krovain and I want to be a w-warrior,” I stammered at the sight of the bulky man.

“How old are you?”


“The path of the warrior will be brutal and stressful,” Dances With Balrog explained. “You will confront the enemy and fight hand-by-hand until one falls. You will carefully master the skills of a warrior, until you are strong and old enough to choose your desired second advancement. You will show respect towards the other classmen, including magicians, archers, rogues, and pirates. And lastly, you shall never travel without the symbol of the warrior—his offense, or weapon.

“Do I need to repeat anything once more?” Dances With Balrog asked.

“No, I understand fully.”

After that, I went through the most painful experience I’ve ever had. The process to become a warrior was rather…brutal.

When my dad found out, he wasn’t surprised. He’d actually expected me to become one. In fact, he brought his friends in Perion and we had a great festival. They bought me an upgraded long sword, much stronger than an average long sword.

So I’ve just become an official warrior….despite the pain I had to go through.

I freely swung my long sword in the air, and it felt good to be the warrior I’ve wanted to become since I was a little kid.

Was it good, hopefully? mush1a.gif I'm sure ch. 2 will be finished within a week.

Edited by Kr34t0r, 03 July 2008 - 03:16 AM.

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#2 Xyrhos


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Posted 03 July 2008 - 02:31 AM

Very,very good. I enjoyed the complicated usage of vocabulary in describing your characters; this seems like you've put a good amount of thought into your story. A few typos here and there, a few parts do not neccesarily make sense.

Very impressive length, much better than what I could be capable of... I have a very short attention span, while you seem to be very concentrated in your work. Some use of coarse language; you might want to put a warning ahead of your story along with the disclaimers. The part with Krovain, however, confused me. Perhaps add in before your change of view, put a "namehere P.O.V" to improve that part?

Well, overall, it has been a pleasure reading your first chapter. Looking forward to the next one!! :]]


#3 MelonPops


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Posted 03 July 2008 - 01:30 PM

I liked it. However the four years later part confused me for a little. Otherwise, I liked it. mush1k.gif

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#4 Kr34t0r


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Posted 16 July 2008 - 12:18 PM

Much appreciated for the comments guys!! mush1a.gif The "4 years later" part may be misleading. It was my intent to change to first-person view on a wholly different character. I'm not sure if I clarified it, but I hope the 2nd chapter isn't as confusing as ch. 1 mushdevil1.gif


Chapter 2: The Encounter

In the Ant Tunnels beneath Sleepywood, Revan, now fifteen, grasped his new, enhanced Tiger’s Fang and avidly decapitated an Evil Eye. Stream of violet blood oozed out of the Evil Eye.

A staunch and surpassingly outstanding page, Revan proved to himself and the other warriors that he was the strongest for his age—no one had ever reached level fifty until sixteen-years old. He had been training endlessly with his friends and Dances With Balrog. In his spare time, he visited Perion and Ellinia in search to expand his vast knowledge of skills, weaponry, different regions of Victoria, tactics, heroes and villains, and so on.

Grasping his Tiger’s Fang more forcefully, he yelled, “Threaten!” The Evil Eyes in the narrow vicinity reacted to Revan’s mana-skill. Revan prepared for the herd to attack him. He used slash blast to further enfeeble the Evil Eyes. The creatures attempted to bite Revan with their sharp, pointy teeth, but Revan’s new Dark Crusader Chainmail resisted hardily.

“Revan!” Malak’s voice echoed. Revan finished off the last Evil Eye and greeted his best friend.

“Malak, how’s your training?” Revan asked as Malak raised his Zard for any sneaky ambushes by the Evil Eyes.

“It’s going well, but Naga and Ajunta suggest we leave,” Malak responded, keeping an eye out.

Surprised by Malak’s response, Revan asked, “Leave here for what?”

“We learned that spending too much time in this wretched place can have a harmful effect on our skin and blood,” Malak answered, becoming desperate.

Revan noticed his friend’s desperate attempt to exit the dungeon. He grinned.

“Let’s go, then.”

They arrived at Sleepywood. Revan scrutinized the other classes as they stopped from their activities and glanced at the warriors. Sleepywood had suddenly become quieter every step Revan took. A Chief Bandit chuckled and punched his Hermit friend to give attention.

What the hell are they looking at us for? Revan thought. He longed to exit the dungeon.

“Where are they?” Revan asked, accelerating.

“They’re waiting for us at the exit,” Malak responded.

Jr. Neckies appeared from thick bushes and attacked the two. They reflected the attacks and struck back with a slash blast. The sun was becoming visible as the thick foliage of the forest was becoming less dense. Revan spotted a corpse of a warrior lying lifelessly on the ground. Snake bites were clearly visible on the stripped warrior.

“At last,” Revan heard Naga. He looked up and found Naga and Ajunta standing near the exit of Sleepywood and the entrance to the road of Perion. Their Zards looked as new as ever, getting it polished every day. They were pure beauties.

“I’m here, and I missed you two,” Revan said as he held both of them in his arms.

“It’s only been a week,” Naga said with a grin. “Let’s leave here and go to Perion.”

“For what?” Revan asked as he squinted his eyes at the luminous sunlight. He hadn’t gone outside since he entered Sleepywood a week ago.

“Where else would you go to rest?” Naga wondered.

Revan fantasized this question and muttered, “Florina Beach.”

The party laughed in agreement.

“Damn it, Revan. You’re good,” Naga said.

“We should train there next time,” Malak added.

“Tired of being a page?” Ajunta joked.

The party became jests until they arrived at Perion.


I roamed all over Perion.

My dad left me after I became a warrior. He was reluctant to leave me, but I assured him that all warriors started their life alone. My persuasion became effectual and he left after giving me some of his money.

As he was about to leave, we found my best friend, Shiloh, swinging his long sword in the air.

I was delighted to finally meet my friend. He kept his distinguishable long, red hair. I told my dad we would be training together and this raised the spirits of him. He finally left and it was now Shiloh’s and my time to train.

“Dude, Kro,” Shiloh said, observing my sword. “Is that upgraded?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“What kind of scrolls?”

“Well, I was told it was upgraded twice with 100% and once with 10%.” I swung my sword in the air.

“What? 10%?” Shiloh was amused. “So that’s why your sword’s, like, glowing?”

I looked at my long sword, which emitted a faint, blue glow.

“Yeah,” I responded, “and since we’re both warriors now, let’s go training.”

“Where?” Shiloh asked. “I asked Dances With Balrog but he says that we should find out by ourselves.”

“I think a fighter told me that we should train on slow and easy targets, like Stumps,” I said. I wasn’t too sure where to find the Stumps.

“Hey, I know where those things are!” Shiloh uttered stirringly.

I followed Shiloh towards the exit of Perion. As we wandered through the danger zones, we struck down snails as our primary warm-up. We each collected their shells for trade.

“There, you see them?” Shiloh pointed. There was a big herd of stumps clustered altogether. Axe Stumps were also visible in the distance.

“Ready, Shiloh?” I clenched the hilt of my sword with my hands.

“Let’s go!” Shiloh rushed past me and I followed. I made my first attempt to use Power Strike. My enhanced sword had killed the Stump with the single blow. I found Shiloh in need of urgent help as the whole herd gathered around him. It seemed to me that Shiloh was quickly frittering his mana away with endless power strikes.

I viciously attacked with slash blasts while Shiloh struck the Stumps in an imbecilic way.

After a while, the Stumps’ lives were all finished by our hands. We collected their branches and stemmed ourselves from depleting our mana and potions by settling down.

“What the hell was that, Shiloh?” I leered at him.

“Those things are strong!” Shiloh said. “You told me that they were slow and stupid!”

“Yeah, they’re slow as heck, but they’re certainly not stupid.”

We argued on for minutes until we were harshly interrupted by two magicians.

“Hey, kids!” I turned around and found two magicians staring disgustedly down at us.

“Yeah?” I murmured, feeling a pinch of perturbation as the magicians stood on either side of us.

“Wait….are you talking back to us?” one of the magicians replied.

“Little snots just became warriors? We’re loveing six-years older than you guys are!” the other added. I noticed they held to themselves level fifty items.

“Leave us alone, will ya?” Shiloh said, patently irritated by the wizards’ attitudes.

“Or what? Swing little toy swords at us?” the wizards laughed.

“Calo, how about we show them how to treat us wizards?” the wizard spoke to his partner.

“Let’s just make it as slow as possible, Nord,” Calo said.

I was scared. I turned to Shiloh to see if he were going to make any move, but he was already looking at me if I were going to stand up against the wizards.

When I placed the palms of my hands onto the ground to rise to my feet, Calo thwacked my side with the blunt side of his Arc Staff. I instantly felt physically broken as I was unstably prostrated.

“Hurt, much?” Calo grinned. “Too bad you forgot your armor and—“

His eyes widened at the sight of my sword.

“Ooh, a glowing sword!” Calo laughed with Nord.

“Let’s take it,” Nord muttered to Calo.

Calo nodded in agreement and told me, “Hey kid, give us your sword and we’ll let ya go.”

“I’m n-never giving you my sword,” I stammered.

“Well, if you don’t, then I guess we’ll seriously have to hurt your friend,” Calo warned with a harsh tone in his voice.

“Don’t do it, Kro!” I heard Shiloh.

“What? You son of a bitch, I should rip the skin off your face and—“ Calo was interrupted by Nord as he pointed.

“Wait a minute…” Calo squinted to see two figures running toward them. “They’re warriors, alright.”

“We’ll fry them easily,” Nord murmured. Nord cast an energy bolt on me and Shiloh. I felt I was weakened with a rod of iron. This feeling paralyzed me for the time being.

“Fire arrow!” I heard Calo speak. I felt the hot fire arrow shoot by me towards the front.

“Cold beam!” It was Nord who cast the spell.

Who could it be? I slowly regained my energy and was strong enough to tilt my head to see who was there. I found two warriors—one was holding his Tiger’s Fang and the other was holding his Zard.

The magicians started to back up slowly as the warriors dodged their attacks and rushed.

“Fire arrow!”

“Cold beam!”

“Fire arrow!”

“Cold beam!”

The warriors easily dodged the attacks and were now only a short distance away.

“Damn, this isn’t working,” Nord said.

“Use magic claw,” Calo suggested.

“Magic claw!”

I noticed the warrior with the Zard was slashed by the claw. The other warrior, however, continued running and yelled, “Power guard!”

So he was a page. This move deflected the wizards’ attacks.

“What the hell?!” Calo cast another magic claw, but he was too late. The page had already gotten too close for Calo to attack.

“Threaten!” I heard the page roar. Calo and Nord backed away and felt enfeebled.

“I recognize your face, warrior,” Nord said.

The page didn’t say anything.

Impatient, Calo blurted, “What do you want?”

“Just leave and don’t come back here,” the page said coarsely as he held out his Tiger’s Fang and pointed it at the wizards.

Calo smirked at him and walked away with Nord trailing behind.

“Next time, you’ll loveing regret it,” I heard Calo sneer. The page shook his head in amusement and turned his attention to us.

“I have some red potions,” I heard the page say, trading glances between us and the wizards. “Take them.”

I tried to move my hand, but was too weak.

“That’s right, you’re paralyzed,” he said. “My name is Revan, and this is—“

Revan displayed a shocked expression when he sighted his friend lying still on the ground.

“Malak!” Revan quickly helped me and Shiloh drink the potion and then turned to help his friend, or Malak, as well. I felt myself slowly regaining energy.

I sluggishly stood up. My legs shook a bit, but I managed to gain balance. I walked to Revan and Malak with Shiloh closely following my footsteps.

“It’s useless,” Revan murmured. “It looks like he’s unconscious. You can see multiple marks on him because of those damned wizards and their magic claws.”

“We should take him to Perion,” I suggested. The wounds appeared to be severe and deep.

“Yes, we should.” We helped Revan carry Malak back to Perion in silence.


“Exactly how long are they going to be training on some worthless Axe Stumps?” Ajunta impatiently asked.

“I don’t know,” Naga yawned, “but that guard keeps looking at us. Go figure.”

Ajunta turned to see a guard giving quick glances at them.

Ajunta remarked, “We’ve been sitting on the middle of the road for a while. Not strange enough to you?”

“I always used to do that,” Naga silently muttered with a feeling of embarrassment.

“OPEN GATE!” a guard yelled. Naga and Ajunta turned to the gate.

“It better be them,” Naga said. Instead, to Naga and Ajunta’s surprise, they realized Malak was being carried by Revan and other newbie warriors.

“Let’s go!” Naga yelled and they rushed to help.

They settled Malak down in their cabin.

“What the hell happened?” Naga asked. “Is he alright?”

“He’s unconscious,” Revan answered, “but I don’t think he’ll wake up soon.”

“Okay, but who are they?” Naga asked as he looked at the warriors.

“Oh, er, I don’t know,” Revan said, stroking his chin.

The boy with a glowing sword said, “M-my name is Krovain and this is Shiloh.”

“Hello,” Shiloh waved nervously.

“Hi,” Naga said, and turned to his attention to the glowing sword. “That’s a nice long sword you have there, my friend. What scrolls, exactly, were used to enhance it?”

“Two 100% scrolls and a 10% scroll,” Krovain replied.

“Whoa! Someone’s lucky here,” Naga said with a smile.

“No wonder the wizards were harassing them,” Revan spoke, his eyes wandering around the room.

“Wizards?” Ajunta asked. “Then…”

“Calo and Nord,” Revan said.

“Why the hell were they here? Actually, what level are they?” Naga asked.

“Fifty,” Krovain butted in. The pages turned their attention to him.

“How do you know?” Ajunta asked.

“They were wearing Calas and held Arc staves,” Krovain answered.

“I remember,” Revan said. “They were also wearing Circlets on their heads.”

“Those fancy bastards,” Naga yelled. “You should’ve taken their staves.”

“I think I harmed them enough,” Revan smiled.

“Then you satisfy me, lord Revan,” Naga bowed down in a joking manner.

“Might as well keep calling me that,” Revan said.

“In your dreams,” Naga warned. “So, now what?”

“We wait,” Revan replied, “for Malak.”

Naga poured the tea into the cup and sipped.

Naga swallowed and said, “One of us should stay here and watch while the others train.”

“I’ll stay here,” Krovain volunteered.

“Me too,” Shiloh said.

Revan chuckled, “You really intend to stay?”

“Yeah, we can stay,” Shiloh answered. “We were the main reason Malak got hurt.”

Revan considered this for a moment. He slowly walked back and forth, stroking his chin then putting his hands on his hips continuously. He gave much thought to this.

“No,” was his final response. The startled group gazed at him. “I say no, because Krovain and Shiloh have just become warriors, and leaving them behind here is kindred as hampering a new, full-grown blossom from receiving sunlight and the water it needs. Leaving Malak to them is absolutely not acceptable. We are literally deserting and training ahead of him.”

The group nodded in complete agreement.

“So, I say to you, Krovain and Shiloh, that you are free to roam around and train as you wish,” Revan said. He noticed the worried look on the boys’ faces. “This isn’t your fault. I’m actually glad we’ve encountered the wizards. Failure can be rectified in a simple manner.”

Revan grinned and turned to Malak.

Krovain and Shiloh looked at each other for any ideas, deciding whether to train or not.

“If training doesn’t come to your mind, I’d suggest the library is an excellent and wise source to start your warrior lives,” Revan said, investigating Malak’s wounds.

“I’ll show you guys where it is,” Naga beckoned the boys to him. They followed him outside.

“What were they, exactly?” Ajunta asked after they left.


“Calo and Nord.”

“A fire arrow came from Calo’s direction, and Nord’s was the Cold Beam.”

“We’re lucky one of them isn’t a cleric.” Ajunta sat down and leaned back. “Otherwise, it would’ve been more—how should I put this—complex.”

“Yeah,” Revan laughed. “It would have.”


Ch. 3 will be completed within a week.

Ch. 3's out. Excuse my delay. mush1a.gif


Chapter 3: The Quest

I felt well and sorry.

Studying with Naga and Shiloh in the Perion library was an earnest experience. Naga had taught us the most important facts about warriors, including all the different types of classes and their armory. Shiloh seemed to be incurious in these. He would wander his eyes around the library and stare at interesting objects.

After a few hours of reading and discussing, we decided to return to our cabin.

I also felt sorry for the fact that we got Revan and Malak into the whole mess and caused Malak to get badly mauled.

Suddenly, I felt homesick.


In the cabin, Revan stood by Malak for the entire time while Ajunta consumed a small portion of the meal and washed his armor and sword as well as himself. The only sources for the room’s illumination were several candles.

“You’re not hungry?” Ajunta asked as he declined backwards on the wooden rocking chair.

Revan replied, “In a situation like this? I’m afraid I’m not in the mood of hunger.”

“Do as you wish,” Ajunta nodded. Just as he was droning off to a quick nap, he violently reacted to the sudden opening of the door.

“love!” Ajunta yelled.

“What?” Naga asked as he closed the door behind him after Krovain and Shiloh entered.

“You just had to open the door…hard,” Ajunta responded, calming down.

Naga laughed at Ajunta and turned his attention to Malak.

“He’s not doing well, is he?” Naga asked.

“He’s just unconscious,” Revan answered. “It takes time for an individual to regain consciousness. What have you guys done in the library?”

Naga sat on the chair and sighed.

“I lectured.”


“The warrior basics: history, skills, weaponry—all that stuff.”

Revan grinned and spoke, “I’ve decided to get Krovain and Shiloh intensively educated.” Krovain and Shiloh looked up with a shocked expression and stared at each other.

Noticing Naga’s reluctance, Revan said, “Don’t worry—this will be a constant cycle between us three.” Naga looked approvingly more content.

“It’s nearly dusk. I’m going to have a meeting with Dances With Balrog,” Revan announced as he stood up. He left all his armor and weapons here but his tunic.


I thought to myself, If we hadn’t even met Revan or encountered any wizards, where would we have been?

“Kro,” Shiloh nudged me.

I turned to him.

“I’m not too happy about this…this…study plan. I think I’m gonna die!” he slightly panicked.

“I don’t believe you…” I really didn’t. I thought studying at the library with Naga was really fun, and good for us, too!

“I—“ Shiloh was interrupted.

“Are you guys hungry?” Ajunta asked declining back on the rocking chair with eyes closed.

“No,” Shiloh said. My jaw dropped. Now I really, really didn’t believe him. Has he gone crazy? We haven’t eaten since last night.

“Yes,” I said.

“Shiloh’s not hungry at all?” Ajunta asked.

“Er, yes, I am, or, er, well…” Shiloh stammered.

“C’mon, yes or no?” Ajunta impatiently asked.

“Yes,” Shiloh answered.

Ajunta grabbed two loaves of bread and tossed them to me and Shiloh.


“Greetings, Revan,” Dances With Balrog welcomed as Revan stood at the doorway. “What brings you here?”

“My desire to become a White Knight,” Revan answered with a grin. “I believe I’ve trained and studied well enough to advance to the third class.”

Balrog frowned with deep thought as Revan stood silently at the doorway.

“Have a seat,” Balrog said. Revan slowly sat across Balrog as Revan looked directly into Balrog’s eyes.

Balrog sighed, “I cannot yet allow you to further your training and skills as a White Knight.” Revan’s grin faded.

Balrog continued, “Your training is hasty. Desperation won’t do any good if you desire to move on effectively.”

Revan slightly twitched at the words and said, “What should I do to gain your approval?”

“Train,” Balrog replied. “Your training is not over and done with, yet.”

Revan frowned, waiting for Balrog to give more advice.

“To be honest, you are the greatest warrior I’ve ever trained, Revan,” Balrog grinned. Revan looked up in astonishment.

“I think you have a bright and a great future lying ahead of you,” Balrog continued. “Your profound knowledge and skills are what amaze me, Revan. You have greatly exceeded yourself into training and studying beyond all the warriors.”

“I cannot agree more, master,” Revan bowed. “This can only be accomplished with your guidance.”

“I’ll call if you are truly ready to continue,” Balrog said. “Train more and if you dare to take the risk, go deep into the dungeons.”

Inquisitive, Revan asked, “What more can I do in there besides kill Evil Eyes and Zombie Mushrooms?”

“Have you gone any deeper into the dungeon?”

“At the very depth of the Ant Tunnel is a cold and evil oubliette that only the most daring figures of Victoria can venture in.”

Revan looked as if he were smacked across the face. Had there really been more to the Ant Tunnel? Although he’d read about it in his studies, he didn’t bother to read how to get in.

Balrog continued, “At the very end there lives a hellish beast sharing my name. The beast is related to a Crimson Balrog, but bears no wings. The one who kills the beast is rewarded plentifully.”

Revan wanted to grasp that reward.

“But I’d advise you to train more before going in, Revan. You are too valuable in this world, and even the instructors of other classes can’t agree more.”

Revan nodded at the comment. His mind was filled with the desire to slay the beast and take the prize. After minutes of explaining the entrance to the oubliette, Balrog dismissed Revan.

“I shall return.” Revan exited into the sunset.


“When is he coming back?” Shiloh asked.

“Soon,” Naga replied.

We’ve been waiting for Revan for an hour.

I opened the drapes and perceived twilight. I gasped at the magnificent sight of countless stars in the sky, grasping the images and the tranquility that flowed through my mind.

“Krovain,” Naga called out.

I closed the drapes and turned around and corrected, “Kro.”

“Kro, I got that,” Naga grinned sleepily. “If you don’t mind, keep the drapes closed. It’s really cold.”

I nodded with acknowledgement and walked back to the table when the door swung open.

“Revan!” Naga stood up.

“I have news,” Revan said as he hurriedly closed the wooden door behind him.

“Spill it,” Ajunta muttered with his eyes closed.

Gasping for air, Revan spoke, “There are more to the Ant Tunnels, Ajunta!”

The rest of the party looked up in interest.

“It’s a supposedly black and cold dungeon that only the most daring individuals with great prowess take such an enterprise, and I assume we all know what we’re going to do as soon as Malak regains consciousness,” Revan said with anticipation. “Are there any questions in spite of my short explanation?”

Krovain asked, “What kind of monsters will we have to face?”

“Among the most fierce and powerful, my friend,” Revan replied. “But don’t worry—we’ll be there to provide you protection.”

“So where’s the entrance?” Naga asked.

Revan grinned and answered, “Don’t worry. I’ve got it all covered, Naga, I’ve got it all covered.”

2 months later.

Revan, Naga, and Ajunta took turns each day to take Krovain and Shiloh to the library and lecture them for three hours. Then they were taken out to the danger zones and trained immensely on Stumps and Slimes for the rest of the day with only Revan. Naga and Ajunta stayed with Malak.

The team feared that Malak might never wake up. Revan continuously stayed up late next to Malak with the thought of facing the powerful beast that lurked deep inside the dungeon.

One morning, as soon as everybody was awake, Malak slowly moved his arms across his chest. Shiloh was the first to notice such movement.

“Malak!” Revan and the group jumped out of their seats and darted to Malak.

“Revan…?” Malak feebly called out as he slowly opened his eyes.

“We’re here, friend,” Revan grinned for a short while until he ordered, “Kro, get me a glass of water, quickly!” Krovain reacted and returned with a glass of cold, fresh water. Revan helped Malak to sit upright and drink the water.

“We’ll give our friend several days to rest,” Revan announced. “After that, we shall begin our expedition to the depths of Ant Tunnel and take the real enterprise from there. For now, let’s train…for the sake of our own souls.”


Ch.4 will be finished soon.

Edited by Kr34t0r, 17 July 2008 - 10:24 AM.

#5 teddochi


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Posted 16 July 2008 - 11:19 PM

Im liking these. That last part where it said,"Krovain reacted and returned with a glass of cold, fresh water," is making me want to get a drink.

#6 MrAchilla



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Posted 17 July 2008 - 12:11 AM

Fantastic story, looking forward for more chapters!

I am not a NX hoar, lol.

#7 Tiger


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Posted 26 July 2008 - 05:06 PM

This story is amazing! I can't wait to read more mush1n.gif

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#8 Faded


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Posted 27 July 2008 - 09:14 AM

Its kool reading a mature, well thought-out maplestory-story. xDD

#9 Kr34t0r


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Posted 29 July 2008 - 03:47 PM

Ch. 4's out! mushdevil1.gif There's been a bit delay because I had to change the plot. I always plan the plot out before starting my fanfic.

Thanks for reading!!!!


Chapter 4: Peril

The day we departed for Sleepywood was bright and astir. I would miss the sunlight.

As soon as Malak was completely healed, Revan vigorously helped Malak get back in shape. Malak quickly relearned the materials and skills of warriors. We rested one more day before leaving.

Shiloh and I were glad that Malak was up and going after entering unconsciousness. And now that was done, we were prepared to prove to our older friends that we were worthy of warriors’ pride.


Revan sighed in relief after realizing that Sleepywood was nearly desolate of other classes. He sighted a lone warrior with a spear. Spears were uncommon in Victoria. Cherishing the weapon, Revan had once fought with it a nearly month ago. Although he loved its massive strength, he criticized it for its sluggish speed.

Before entering the Ant Tunnel, Revan said to Krovain and Shiloh, “Be careful after you enter. The illumination will become dimmer as you progress through the Ant Tunnel. The place is wholly congested with Zombie Mushrooms and Evil Eyes. I trained you to the twenty-fifth level. You should be able to withstand several blows from the creatures, just as I had.”

Revan faced the tunnel and entered followed by the party.


My heart was beating rapidly despite the sturdy protection Shiloh and I had.

So far, we’ve encountered a Zombie Mushroom. Ha, it scared the **** out me. Walking through Ant Tunnel was like meandering through a haunted house with a vengeful spirit haunting it. And there was the Evil Eye. Those things looked pretty tight. I’d be glad to have one as a personal pet, but it was not so much friendly. Revan just had to decapitate it. Actually, he and the party decapitated every Evil Eye. I found myself being afraid of Revan and saw fire in his eyes, literally. The Wild Cargos were big and intimidating, but Revan and the party took care of it easily, until they encountered Drakes. Fighting the Drakes was a problem since they surrounded us, but we somehow managed to handle the situation strategically.

“Can we take a rest?” Shiloh asked and I agreed. All eyes were fixed on Revan.

Revan sighed, “Five minutes.” We all sat down to catch our breath. Malak gently leaned back against the wall while Ajunta and Shiloh talked about something. Naga just sat and looked down.

I sat down and closed my eyes, leaving out every existence and feelings. It was just me and nothingness. I abruptly reacted when Revan sat down next to me.

“I’d like to have a talk with you, Kro,” Revan murmured fondly. I tried my best not to look into his eyes.

“Sure,” I replied. I was a bit shaken.

“During my studies in Perion, I’ve read a section in a book that explained the powers beyond our potentials as warriors,” Revan said.

“Did you read more about it?” I asked interestedly.

Revan sighed, “Someone had torn off the pages. I desperately sought more about these inscrutable powers through hundreds of volumes, but got no luck.”


“Have you heard of Orbis?” Revan asked with his hand under his chin.

Although I have heard of the name, I’ve never bothered to read about it. “No.”

“Orbis is basically a city in the sky which belongs to Ossyris. Anyways, there’s a library there holding a vast amount of knowledge and wisdom. I plan to visit it in a later time once I become a White Knight,” said Revan, “and from there, I may discover these powers and learn from them so that I can use the powers to—“

“Revan!” Naga called out. “Let’s go.”

“Stand up, Kro,” Revan said.

I reluctantly rose up in a languid manner and followed behind Shiloh. Soon after, we came to a dead end. Revan surveyed the area to find the entrance to the dungeon.

“I thought you said you’ve ‘got it all covered!’” Naga exclaimed.

“I did!” Revan said. “The entrance, which is a trapdoor, should be on the ground, but I can’t find the damn thing.” Suddenly, there was a scream.

We got up to our feet and dashed towards the scream. Drawing my sword out, it sounded like a girl was being attacked by a herd of Drakes and Wild Cargos.

“AHH!” the person yelled. We’re coming, lady. Hold on for a bit longer. The dimming lanterns didn’t help us much, but we eventually found the girl; she’d been fighting off Evil Eyes, for sure.

“Get me a red pill!” Revan ordered. This was a mandate for everybody. The others and I searched through our packs, but nobody had it. I searched into my pockets and miraculously found a red pill.

“I have it!” I yelled and lent it to Revan, who placed the pill into the girl’s mouth.

The girl slowly opened her eyes.

“Speak,” Revan watched.

“I am speaking,” the girl said delicately.

“Can you fight?” Revan asked intently.

“Of course,” she replied. Suddenly regaining full energy, she stood up from the ground and drew out her sword. Her long, pearl hair waved according to each of her movements.

“What are you?” I asked.

“I am a 14-year old page seeking for a certain beast,” she answered stubbornly. What she said shocked Revan.

“And what do you intend to do with it, girl?” Revan asked, eying the girl’s coal-covered face.

“Fight it, what else?” This girl had a disdainful attitude.

Revan chuckled. “You say to us that you are going to fight it? And you couldn’t fight off the Evil Eyes, which are just creatures of dust and nothing else, girl.”

“Traya,” the girl said.

“Traya, why would you fight a monstrous beast when you can’t even fight off a couple of Evil Eyes?” Revan asked. “Surely you have confidence, but overly. I doubt you’ll slay it.”

“Who said I was going to slay the beast?” Traya remarked. “I said I was going to fight it, not slay it. Understood?” Revan raised an eyebrow.

“Then you must be on your way to death. Lead us,” Revan demanded. “Lead and we will never draw our swords for you. Go on.”


Traya examined the ground and opened a trapdoor, in which Traya and the party climbed down a dusty wooden ladder.

“Is the beast here?” Revan asked as he glanced around the room. Following Traya, Revan noticed a slight illumination beaming from the front.

“Step on the portal,” Traya said. “This will lead to deepest part of the dungeon.”

Revan looked lasciviously at Traya, who in return gave a nod of caution.

“What if this is a trick?” Revan coarsely asked.

With a surprised expression, Traya responded leniently, “It’s not! If you don’t trust me, I’ll go ahead first.”

Revan glared at her and threatened, “If it is a cruel trick, your punishment will be callous enough to make you rue with humiliation.”

As Revan walked towards the portal, Traya called, “Wait!”

Revan turned around instantaneously and chuckled.

“I’ll go first,” Traya said.

“All right,” Revan said. Traya disappeared once she stepped on the portal.

After seconds of silence, Naga asked, “You reckon she’s alive?”

“There is no way she can survive with all those Taurospears and Cold Eyes,” Ajunta replied.

“Aren’t we going in?” Shiloh asked impatiently.

“Relax, Shiloh,” Revan smoothly said.

“Huh,” Naga said, “I wonder if we can somehow go into the dungeon without the portal.”

Malak replied, “By digging? You’re out of your mind, Naga.”

“And it could be anywhere else, too,” Shiloh added. “You’ll die before you even find it.”

“You little devil!” Naga growled with his fist raised in the air. “Revan! Let’s go in at once!” Revan did his usual thing: walking back and forth with his hand on his chin and his hands on his hips.

“I’m going to let Krovain decide,” Revan declared and everyone stared directly towards Krovain. “If you choose to go into the dungeon, you might never make it out alive, but it will surely be worthwhile to increase your levels of training. If you choose to leave, however, Traya will be left in sorrow and grief and die at the hands of the demons while we make it safely to the surface.”

Krovain spoke, “I’m…I’m going to choose to leave the girl, er, Traya—“

“What? NO!” Naga yelled in disagreement which made Krovain jump in shock.

“Wait! He’s not finished,” Revan said, then turned to Krovain. “Continue.”

“I’m going to choose to leave Traya alone when we go in,” Krovain said as he looked nervously at Naga, who seemed relieved and regretful.

“Ah, forgive me, Kro,” Naga genially apologized. “It’s just that I had no desire to end our expedition here.” Krovain nodded in approval as they walked towards the portal.

“It’s all right,” Krovain said. Krovain walked towards the portal after Revan and Malak had gone through it. Then Shiloh, Naga, and Ajunta followed Krovain into the portal, respectively.

Revan surveyed the area, which was illuminated by cold blueness that extended into the eternal darkness. He could not believe such dungeon like this was extant, but this was something else to him.

“Traya!” Naga called. To the party’s surprise, Traya was gone way ahead of them.

“Damn,” Revan cursed. “Seems like she’s hurt…again.”

“Let’s go find her,” Ajunta suggested. The party dashed forward into the blue darkness to encounter an Evil Eye.

“Whoa!” Shiloh yelled in shock. This particular Evil Eye was bathed in white and bore bloody, serrated teeth of a devil.

“It’s a Cold Eye,” Malak warned. “If you get too close, it’ll bite the flesh out of you with its venomous razors.” He grasped his Zard strenuously as the Cold Eye crept closer.

“Get back!” Naga yelled as he pulled Krovain away. The Cold Eye leaped hastily towards Naga’s direction. Naga dodged the attack and brought his Zard down, leaving a deep scratch into the Cold Eye’s flesh. The infuriated Cold Eye turned to attack Naga more aggressively, but Revan decapitated the creature with his swift Tiger’s Fang before it jumped. The headless body was still moving slightly, but it soon died completely.

“There will be more of them,” Revan forewarned. He suddenly noticed that Krovain and Shiloh became much stronger before they entered the dungeon. It looked as if they gained a few levels of training.

“Look!” Malak pointed. “It’s probably Traya.” The party looked into the direction to find Traya unharmed and well.

“Come here!” Traya beckoned.

“What happened?” Revan asked as the party continued to inspect the precinct.

“How many Cold Eyes have you guys faced, so far?” Traya asked with a disdainful tone.

Revan replied, “One. Why?”

“Oh, nothing,” Traya spoke. “Looks like I made this too easy.” The party gazed at each other, addled. A Cold Eye appeared in the distance.

“Stay back, Traya,” Naga said as he tried to pull Traya away, who resisted.

“I can take care of it myself,” Traya notified. She turned and confronted the Cold Eye. The creature leaped and Traya moved aside and sliced it in half. Red blood oozed out of the body with matter spread out on the cold surface.

The astonished party ran towards Traya.

“See?” Traya said as she disgustedly glared at the corpse. “Now, this is nothing. If we continue on, most of our encounters will be Tauromacis and Taurospears.”

“Let’s go,” Revan said impetuously as he tramped past with his Tiger’s Fang in his hands. Traya followed behind the entire party. She despised Revan for his self-esteem, but adored him for his eagerness. I’ll see once Revan gets the chance to fight the Tauromacis, the ones I can’t defeat.


The place was freezing. I could see my breath each time I exhaled. I could feel myself shaking from the cold. I could sense myself in fear of everything in this twisted dungeon. For newborn warriors, wasn’t this a bit too much for me and Shiloh? I thought we were supposed to be fighting under euphoric daylight with wistful winds blustering against us while listening to the placid sounds of nature. I thought we were supposed to be up there socializing with other classmen and making new friends, who train on the same level as me and Shiloh.

But Revan elucidated such abnormal occurrence to me that this was a great way to learn and quickly train ahead of others, which made me feel inspired to move on with the future warrior champions. But I am also scared senselessly. What if the enterprise fails? What if we are trapped in here for eternity as there are no return-portals? To take such endeavor was a wholly different and nerve-racking experience for me and Shiloh, and perhaps even to the whole party. But I told myself that our mission was entirely feasible and worthy to experience and fight the devilish beast in the deepest part of Victoria.


“Look out!” Ajunta yelled as two Tauromacis dashed towards the party. The warriors drew their weapons out.

“Naga, take one down with Malak and Ajunta,” Revan ordered, “and I’ll take care of the other with the rest of the team.”

“Got it,” Naga acknowledged. He ran towards the Tauromacis and dodged its pole arm. Malak and Ajunta prepared to attack while Naga distracted the Tauromacis. Malak slashed the Tauromacis’ leg and Ajunta slashed its back open. The beast howled and swung its pole arm, which left a mark on Naga’s side. Naga grabbed his Zard and slashed the beast’s abdomen.

Meanwhile, Revan retaliated the Tauromacis’ blow and stabbed through its abdomen. Traya just stood back and watched Revan while Krovain and Shiloh tried to approach the Tauromacis with caution. Revan was punched in his right shoulder by the angry Tauromacis, but his armor protected him from getting fractured. He quickly got up to his feet, rushed to the beast, dodged its attacks, jumped, jabbed his Tiger’s Fang into its throat, slit its throat multiple times, and finished it off with a Power Strike.

Malak sliced the beast’s face and Naga and Ajunta slashed its body many times until it was lifeless.

The purple blood-covered party reunited.

“Anyone hurt?” Revan called, gasping.

“My feelings hurt,” Naga replied in an acerbic tone, “for these poor creatures.”

“Save your feelings for later,” Malak spoke, “and prepare another fight!”

“Damn it,” Revan cursed after he counted two Taurospears and three Cold Eyes. “Naga, fight the left Taurospear with Malak, and Ajunta, fight the Cold Eyes with Traya. Kro and Shiloh, you guys just help whoever you can because this battle is too much for you guys. Let’s go!”

Naga and Malak clutched onto their Zards and rushed to their target. They confused the beast by rushing towards either side. Malak attacked first and slashed the beast’s leg. The beast turned around smacked Malak’s legs, causing him to trip and fall. Naga stabbed the Taurospear through the back. The beast turned around but Malak quickly rose to his feet and forcefully sliced off its left arm. The beast raised its staff and howled for judgment. Large shards of ice rained upon Malak and Naga.

They dodged the mana attack and yelled, “Power Strike!” Their Zards unleashed a powerful force and severely injured the Taurospear.

Ajunta yelled, “Slash blast!” as he rushed towards the Cold Eyes. Traya slashed the Cold Eyes with her Lion’s Fang as Ajunta finished them off with Power Strikes.

Revan dodged the Taurospear’s mana attack with ease and stabbed the beast through its abdomen. The Taurospear swung its massive spear at Revan, but missed by an inch. Revan sliced off the Taurospear’s arm and kicked the spear out of the way. The helpless creature mauled Revan on his side with its left fist. Revan winced at the pain, but managed to rush to the beast and decapitate it with all of his might.

Revan fell down on his knee and tried to yell, but he was paralyzed. The party had been watching Revan fight the Taurospear himself with a feared expression.

“I have a few more red pills,” Krovain said as he held out his hand.

“I…” Revan stammered as he held his side with both of his hand. “I…”

Naga said, “He’s paralyzed, Kro.”

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry,” Krovain apologized. He placed the pill into Revan’s mouth.

“You shouldn’t have fought by yourself, Revan,” Ajunta said. “I’m afraid the fight with this Balrog will be much tougher than what we’ve just faced.”

Revan spoke as articulate as he could, “Don’t worry…about it.” He turned to Krovain and motioned to him for another red pill. This time, Revan slowly took the pill himself. He soon regained full energy and they continued.

“So,” Shiloh coolly spoke, “when do we get to fight this devil?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” replied Naga.

Malak said, “It’s actually when does this devil get to fight us.”

“What do you mean by that?” Traya inquired. “That beast is always sleeping until it’s disturbed.”

“Actually, that’s just a myth,” Ajunta corrected. “Jr. Balrog will pry on people whenever they deserve it.”

“Aren’t you talking about Crimson Balrogs?” Krovain questioned. Naga had briefly taught them about Crimson Balrogs.

“Sure,” Ajunta responded, “but also do remember that Jr. Balrogs are closely related to Crimson Balrogs, meaning they share common traits in both physically and mentally.”

“Impossible,” Revan remarked. “The Jr. Balrogs do not bear wings, just as Dances with Balrog told me.”

“What Dances with Balrog said was a completely nebulous metaphor,” Ajunta said. “Jr. Balrogs actually bear wings, but Jr. Balrogs do not use their wings for flight. How and why would a titanic beast such a Jr. Balrog fly through this wretched dungeon? Its ceilings are too low for flight.”

“Then I don’t know why Dances with Balrog would inform me of such a vague image,” Revan spoke.

“But why are we down here trying to find it?” Shiloh asked.

“Because the Jr. Balrog keeps priceless rewards,” Naga replied.

“What kind of rewards?” Shiloh asked.

“Weapons, armors, mesos, and maybe scrolls,” Naga answered. He knew there were more.

“What kind of scrolls?”

Naga sighed, “You’re a curious one. Too curious, I’d say.”

“Shh!” Revan stopped. The party heard heavy breathing noises. Suddenly, a large, hellish beast appeared from the darkness and roared and attacked the group. They quickly got out of the way and drew their weapons.

“Kro, Shiloh!” Revan shouted. “Stay behind and give red pills to anyone who’s struck down!” Krovain and Shiloh backed away. Malak moved in when the beast was looking into the opposite direction and stabbed the beast. The beast turned around and quickly struck Malak, which sent him across the air. Ajunta moved in for the next attack and slashed its legs as hard as he could. The Jr. Balrog reacted and swung its fist, but Ajunta barely dodged the attack. The beast leaped towards Naga. Naga jumped, got on the beast, and brought the sword down through the back. The beast howled and sent Naga flying.

Malak rose to his feet. The beast was casting a dark spell, but Revan yelled Threaten and slit the beast multiple times, interrupting the spell. Infuriated, the beast chased Revan, but Traya and Ajunta slashed their swords at the Jr. Balrog. The beast turned around and sent both of them flying with a smack. The beast prepared for another spell. A dark sphere grew in size and exploded, causing severe damage to everyone. Revan hid behind a boulder and saved himself from the spell.

Traya and Ajunta had no power to fight. Naga was completely enervated to fight. His armor was shattered and his sword was cracked. Krovain and Shiloh were both safe, but too afraid to walk up to Traya and Ajunta to give them pills. It was only up to Revan and Malak.

“Revan!” Malak called. “This battle is too much for us! We have to retreat.”

“But…” Revan hesitated. “All right, let’s go. Everybody, run! I’ll distract it.”

“What…?” Malak glared at him.

“It’s all right, Malak,” Revan assured. “Take the team back to Ant Tunnel safely and I’ll be there with you shortly. Now, go!” Malak nodded and carried Naga while the party desperately retreated.

Revan turned to the maddened beast and muttered, “You’re mine.”


Ch. 5 will be finished soon!

#10 Tiger


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Posted 29 July 2008 - 09:32 PM

CLIFFHANGER madmush42vx.gif

I can't wait for chapter 5! mush1k.gif

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#11 Kr34t0r


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Posted 07 August 2008 - 11:39 AM

Ch. 5 was given birth this morning! The chapter was going to be around 10 pages long purely composed of Krovain's POV. However, I decided to remove the content as such long chapters would putatively drive some readers insane before even getting to the half of the chapter. It will be featured in the next chapter.

Ch. 5: To Paradise

Malak managed to get himself and the party return to Ant Tunnel without having to encounter any monster. Naga, still unconscious, was set down on the ground to give Malak and the party to rest. Fear of Revan’s death encompassed the disarrayed minds party, especially Malak. He couldn’t imagine losing his friend in this nefarious dungeon. If he did, Malak would have to assume the role of a leader and continue to climb Revan’s stairs towards the summit.

“Where’s Traya?” Krovain asked, looking around.

“Yeah,” Shiloh agreed. “She’s left behind.”

“She continued ahead of us,” Malak responded. “That tricky one.”

Ajunta spoke, “Actually, she was just behind me when I entered the portal. And now, I really don’t know where she is.”

“Strange,” Malak commented. He took a glance at the unconscious Naga. “Watch Naga for me—I’m going back in.”

“Wait!” Ajunta exclaimed, grabbing Malak arm firmly. Malak looked back with curiosity and.

“Revan’s going to die if one of us doesn’t go down there, Ajunta,” Malak explained. “Besides, all I’m going to do is look around for Traya and return.” Ajunta loathly released Malak’s arm. Malak turned around and walked into the portal.


Somewhere far, far away in Amoria, the Council of Warriors, composed of famed Warrior instructors, was discussing a case on Revan, the chief crux of the pensive symposium, with impartiality in the dialogue, but the companions and he, together as a single unification, could not clench the minds of the instructors with attainment. The instructors were apprehensive of not only the overly stupendous prosperity of power contained within Revan, but the stern and unnerving possibility of a beginning chance of an abrupt era of the ancient.


The Jr. Balrog roared and chased Revan with annoyance after being slightly taunted by the Fang. Using the only energy he had, Revan sprinted towards the portal without ever looking back. But where was the portal?

The beast started to become more silent and Revan decided to stem himself from running and presumably rest with assurance. He concealed himself in the dark behind a large stone pillar and searched for anything he could find to heal the feeble vitality within him.

Damn it, Revan thought. I should have asked Kro or Shiloh for several potions or pills.

Revan breathed deeply to calm himself before moving on, pondering his mind into the past during the meeting with Dances with Balrog.

The one who kills the beast is rewarded plentifully. With the strong desire to grasp the reward, Revan thought of going back to confront the beast to acquire the reward.

But I’d advise you to train more before going in, Revan. You are too valuable in this world, and even the instructors of other classes couldn’t agree more. Was Revan truly one of the most significant figures in Victoria that the instructors and Dances with Balrog thought he was that valuable? Revan couldn’t just go back, fight the beast, and, with a high chance, get killed.

Suddenly, as Revan began to walk, the Jr. Balrog appeared from the darkness and stomped the ground with awesome force, shaking the earth.

“Damn,” Revan cursed. He desperately ran away from the Jr. Balrog looking in multiple directions for the portal, but as he sped up, an unexpected gap caused Revan to trip and roll. The Jr. Balrog came in for attack and prepared to bring down its mighty arms when a mysterious person slashed the legs of the beast.

Perplexed by the miraculous save, Revan quickly stood up and found a Warrior barely dodging the beast’s attacks.

“T-Traya?” Revan attempted to clear his unfocused mind and squinted his eyes. “Traya?”

The Warrior hastily responded, “Run, Revan! RUN!” Revan took a step back perceiving the smooth voice of Traya. He took several steps back and ran for the portal, trying to hold back the tears with the vivid remembrance of his advancement with Malak as Warriors.


Malak returned, as he swore to Ajunta.

“So tell me,” Ajunta spoke. “Did you perceive anything, particularly Revan?”

“The only thing I witnessed under there was a distant noise,” Malak responded, “like that Jr. Balrog.”

Ajunta nodded and said, “It would be a wonder if Revan came out sound and safe, my friend. Otherwise, my doubts of him escaping are unfortunately high.”

“Hmph, I have no doubts about Revan and his attempt to escape,” Malak snarled.

“I wish to believe it, yes, but if he somehow doesn’t—“

“He’ll make it!” Malak barked. There was an awkward moment of silence, to which Malak responded, “I....forgive me. I shouldn’t have lost control of my emotions. I know losing control of emotions is passively forbidden in the way of the Warriors.”

Ajunta smiled and accepted his apology. “I can assure you that our dear friend Revan will make it. Definitely.”

“What’s that?” Krovain pointed. The whole party, except Naga, looked towards the growing illumination of the portal.

“Well, what do you know? It’s Revan,” Ajunta said with a grin.

“We knew you’d be back,” Malak spoke. Revan collapsed towards Malak, who instantly called, “Kro, Shiloh!” Shiloh brought two red pills, which weren’t sufficient. Krovain, however, lent Malak a white pill, which Malak took and gave Revan the pills. Taking the pills, he let go of Malak and placed his hand against the wall.

“Where’s Traya?” Revan asked, constantly regaining his vitality.

Malak replied, “She’s not here, Revan. She’s gone by herself to the surface.”

“Have you seen her?” Revan interrogated. Malak hesitated for moment and shook his head in disapproval.

“I haven’t,” Malak responded.

“Exactly my thought,” Revan said, breathing in deeply. “In slight contrast to your statement, Traya is, remarkably, not on the surface. She stayed behind and distracted the Jr. Balrog by herself, allowing me to l-leave with…rue.” Revan tried to hold back the tears while the rest of the party looked down in astonishment.

Shiloh, who seemed to be apathetic of the distressing fix, said, “Apparently, sacrifices are needed to move on. We should be happy you’re alive and well instead of grieving for someone we’ve known for only a short while.”

“Shiloh,” Revan responded, “if you were me, you’d be doing the same thing. So try to understand.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t be doing the same thing if I were you,” Shiloh claimed. “I’d just put it aside and sidle from it and move on like a man—a real man.” Shiloh posed himself as a hero.

“He’s right,” Ajunta deeply said, “er, except for his…ridiculous pose. We can’t just waste time here, and look at Naga—we need to get him up there soon or he will be unconscious as Malak was.”

Revan nodded with acknowledgement, “I got to control my emotions—as should all of you.” He surveyed the group one more time. Today, he learned an important lesson from a stranger and fellow Warrior. He promised himself not to abandon the party for selfish reasons, but put his life at risk to grant victims a second chance in life. For now, he thought of training with the rest of the group with Traya in his mind.

“So,” Malak muttered with anticipation, “where to, Revan?”

Revan smiled and answered, “From this damned place to paradise.”


The next chapter will take around ~two weeks~ to finish. Entertainment will be present as I type out the chapter.

#12 Tiger


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Posted 07 August 2008 - 09:27 PM

Two weeks? madmush42vx.gif

I can't wait for the next one! Good work as always! mush1k.gif

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#13 Kr34t0r


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Posted 27 August 2008 - 05:48 PM

Hello, readers.

Apparently (and unfortunately), I was unable to finish the chapter due to college and time. GRE (Graduate Record Exam) is coming up this year and I've yet to study for the exam, not to mention GRE Subject Tests--Mathematics and Literature. Both require intensive study added to the unbelievable amount of time required to study for the main GRE. For those of you who don't know what the GRE is, the GRE is somewhat similar to SAT Reasoning Tests but in a more circumstantial and intricate "modus operandi." mush1q.gif

#14 Randallrocks



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Posted 29 August 2008 - 11:10 PM

Well, I read the first 2 chapters, they're looking great, you can really imagine yourself in that situation. I hope you make more, I <3 the story. Good luck, you're really talented.

#15 Dopple


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Posted 19 July 2012 - 04:46 PM

I see that some people are impressed by your stilts.

Very,very good. I enjoyed the complicated usage of vocabulary in describing your characters; this seems like you've put a good amount of thought into your story. A few typos here and there, a few parts do not neccesarily make sense.

blah blah I don't know what I'm talking about

What this Xyrhos fellow praised your writing for is actually the most glaring problem. You don't use big words for the sake of using big words, because then you get lines like these:

“Hold still! You will feel a profound stabbing sensation soon!” Dances With Balrog tried his best to nourish these volatile and exacerbated kids to not let go.

Are you kidding me? Can you imagine somebody saying that straight-faced--YOU WILL FEEL A PROFOUND STABBING SENSATION SOON! This bit of dialogue is silly, unnatural, and not something anyone would say, ever. While it makes sense (barely), it's unidiomatic. Dances With Balrog shouldn't be talking in the stilted manner the story is narrated.


Please burn your thesaurus.

Interestingly, Xyrhos was accurate in describing your diction as "complicated," even though it wasn't what he intended. Because "complicated" is such a far cry from complex, I'm confident he wouldn't have used that word had he actually understood its meaning.

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#16 Dopple


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Posted 22 July 2013 - 02:38 AM

Just adding these related quotes to the collection:

The require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject at hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.

Make yourself a promise right now that you’ll never use “emolument” when you mean “tip” and you’ll never say John stopped long enough to perform an act of excretion when you mean John stopped long enough to take a love. If you believe “take a love” would be considered offensive or inappropriate by your audience, feel free to say John stopped long enough to move his bowels (or perhaps John stopped long enough to “push”). I’m not trying to get you to talk dirty, only plain and direct.


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#17 竜王聖帝


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Posted 22 July 2013 - 01:48 PM

Yeah, I'm agreeing with Dopple here, particularly with the word "elucidate." "Explain" works just as well and is more natural in casual conversation.

#18 Dopple


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Posted 22 July 2013 - 03:26 PM

Now honestly, I couldn't be bothered to continue reading past the first few paragraphs. I only just noticed that there's a character called Naga.


And then the author started shortening Dances With Balrog to just "Balrog." No, really, that distinction is kind of important...

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#19 竜王聖帝


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Posted 23 July 2013 - 08:42 PM

And not all magicians are douchebags. >:(

#20 Dopple


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Posted 02 August 2013 - 11:29 PM

Here's another one.

Watching people use bigger words without the accompanying style, experience, or substance is like watching little girls stumbling around in mommy's high heels.

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